Week #6 --- Thoughts from the battlefield.......

Well today makes it official. I am now a third of the way through my challenge. I weighed in today and my weight has managed to stay the same. I am still at 240. I am gaining strength and size. I can't totally complain. I look back at the last 6 weeks and say that I could have done better. My diet has been a complete disaster. My job makes it very hard to stay on track during the day. What makes it really bad is the fact that I have the bad meals when I can plan them. In my mind this is OK for some reason. This is something I need to get a grip on or I will not move forward. I know that once I overcome that, all the rest of the plan will fall in to line, fast.

Why don't I want to do this?
Am I scared?

I don't see any reason other than vanity to do it. That doesn't do it for me...

For your health......... For your family......... Nope!!!!!!!!!!!

So why do I wake up everyday at 4:30.

I originally wanted to do so that I could get back into law enforcement. I have experienced a lot of set backs on that quest too. If I achieve the physical results, It still does not guarantee me a position. There are other factors that go into it.

I think I do it every morning because it my time. I don't have anything else.

I have really worked my way into a lot of hopelessness and depression. Now I feel like I am backed into a corner with shackled leg and the room is filling with water. I am just above water, but one slip and I will drowned. This is a horrible feeling to have everyday. The only way I get through the day is to leave the bad stuff at home when I go to work. I put on the happy face and do what I need to do at work. When it's time to go home all the depression comes back. I think that's why it was so easy to do the 135 hours in two weeks at work.

I am still searching for that big motivator. Hell, I'll take three little ones and put them together with some Gorilla glue. lol

Don't worry faithful, I will still be there at 4:45am tomorrow with creatine coursing through my veins.

-----------Things will get better when I decide I want them too.